When my boys look back on their childhood I'm afraid that what they will see is me, angry all the time. I wonder how much counseling that will cost them.
I'm overwhelmed. All the things are overwhelming to me. The kitchen thrown in on top of everything else this summer has been too much. I need schedule and routine and time to plan things and I got none of that.
We had an anniversary trip planned and I thought it would be a good break, that it was a good thing we had it planned before the kitchen came upon us or we never would have gone. It turned out to be a disaster. The place we stayed was too hot with all the city noise of a big holiday weekend and windows open. I'm sure hormones didn't help, but I am still the angry mommy.
And so we ruined our trip and came home early and I'm wondering after 10 years if there's any way to get along with someone who is your polar opposite in everything.
And I am undone. Wondering if there is any hope left to be had. Wondering why the people I talk to most I've never even met in real life. Wondering if I am so angry because I'm truly crazy.
Krista... I'm so sorry. I am sorry you are in this hole of emotions, struggling to balance everything and feeling hopeless. I don't have much to offer you other than a listening ear if you need to vent; prayers sent your way; and the promise that life with twins (if that's what's driving you nuts) does get easier as they age.
ReplyDeleteI hope that as you head into the fall, and get back to your normal routine (the chaos of summer is wearing me down as well!) that you'll get your groove back.
I remember reading two years ago that anger can be a sign of depression, and that surprised me. I went on antidepressants shortly after that my anger improved. I hope that whatever is at the root of your unhappiness, you can find it, make some small changes and start feeling better.
Sending hugs, my friend.